i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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