Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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