ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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