a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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