I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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