i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
