he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
