he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
