i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
