Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
