I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
