i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize