I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I will be naked everywhere
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
