I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
