ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
