we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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