you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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