Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
