Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
