Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
