Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
