Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
