i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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