That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
