youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
