We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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