i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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