I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're so nebulous sometimes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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