we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
