What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i dont even know how to be here
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
