I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
