I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
