Me. At least after what I've been through.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
