then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
