i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
