Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
