Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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