I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
