I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
