Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
