I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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