It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
