I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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