I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
