if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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