i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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