Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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