I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize