Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My breasts were aching with rage.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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