You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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