Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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