so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
