Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
