i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
