dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
