Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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