i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
