After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
