I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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