goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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