it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
