she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
