Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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