I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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