I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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