it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
