Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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