Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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