If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
