I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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