my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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