My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
